My life is pretty much run by emotions, except when I am forced into situations where that is not allowed. But at the end of the day, when I lay down at night, how I feel about myself dictates my perception on most things. One thing I have managed to do with my feelings, however is I've learned to grow pretty numb and indifferent toward the things that have hurt me most in life. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would learn this skill. It's a good survival method actually. Something can't affect you if you choose not to care. Eventually, it no longer becomes something you have to think about. The only thing I can't do this with are my athletic pursuits basically because I have total control of those situations and I could never walk away from assuming responsibility, nor do I have any desire to.
I had a very brief but very satisfying conversation with one of our coaches today in passing at a meeting. She is a bright and talented women. We were talking about social media and how people live in two different worlds - real life and social media life. Social media life allows people to live in this artificial world where everything is sunshine, puppy dogs and rainbows. Reminds me of the lyrics of Jay Z's "Forever Young" Ok that's funny, but it's true.
"So we live a life like a video
when the sun is always out
And you never get old
And the music is always good
and the champagne's always cold
and the pretty girls Just happen to stop by in the hood"
It makes sense why social media has become so ingrained into our society. People constantly look for a means to make themselves feel better - excuses, justification, fluff and now add artificial self-presentation and perhaps delusion to the mix. Many people need things like religion and faith because it gives their existence purpose (among other things I'm sure), because who wants to believe that once you die you basically disintegrate into dust 6 feet under and that's about all that lives on except maybe your legacy with some people still living who care. People need to believe in souls and spirits and things that will validate their importance and value. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It's a fascinating phenomenon to me actually. When Sally died there were many times I wanted to believe things were a sign from her. Who knows, right? Makes you feel better about things to believe it right?
I have always had a glass half empty point of view on the world…and I really don't feel too badly about it. I'd rather be honest with myself. I wish more people shared my POV. Perhaps we would be less "United States of Bull Shity" Who knows…maybe they do feel a lot like me but just mask it better. I suck at masks. Except on Halloween this year when I dressed up as a guy with a beard to symbolize the Red Sox beards and how this post season stress made me old and gray! The mask is actually a wizard mask that I found last minute at Duane Reade because I refused to stand in line at the Halloween store to buy a real beard. I think I got a deal too. $7.99 or something.
|Fear the Beard|
Ugh. The marathon was such a bust. I blew it. Absolutely blew it. I have finally had enough of people asking me about the marathon that when someone at work came over to talk about it today, I shook my head and said "I really don't want to talk about it." I didn't feel so bad about doing this either because I had already told her in an email that I wasn't happy with my performance. Stick the knife in a little deeper lady, will you? These are my tips for any beginning marathoners:
1. STICK TO YOU F'ING PLAN
2. LISTEN TO YOUR COACH IF YOU HAVE ONE…IF NOT, SEE #1
3. CAREFUL FOLLOWING A PACER…THESE GUYS CAN BE WONDERFUL BUT THEY CAN ALSO THROW YOU OFF YOUR PLAN. I HAD TWO TOUGH EXPERIENCES. ONCE IN PHOENIX WHERE THE GUY ENDED UP BOWING OUT DUE TO A BUM KNEE AND THEN IN NYC WHERE I FELT THE 3:10 PACER WAS PROBABLY AT MORE OF A 3:07 CLIP. IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG DIFFERENCE BUT THAT IS A BIG DIFFERENCE.
4. DON'T OVEREAT DURING YOUR TRAINING CYCLE. BURNING CALORIES DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE GREEN LIGHT TO EAT THEM ALL AND THEN SOME BACK. MY BUTT IS ON A MISSION TO DROP 8 LBS FOR BOSTON.
5. DID I SAY STICK TO YOUR F'ING PLAN? IF NOT, STICK TO YOUR F'ING PLAN.
6. FUEL PROPERLY THROUGHOUT THE RACE. EVEN IF YOU FEEL ICKY WITH ALL THE GU AND STUFF. FUEL PROPERLY AND DO NOT LET YOUR BODY GO INTO GLYCOGEN DEPLETION. ONCE YOU OVERCOOK YOURSELF THERE IS NO TURNING BACK.
That's all on that.
While I have moved on in my actions, my heart is still broken up about overshooting my goal by about 8-10 minutes. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! The thing that sucks the most about marathons is that you can't redeem yourself the next day or the next week or even the next month…well you can but you risk injury and failure all over again.
Time to move on from a training standpoint though…In Tony, I trust. Per his instructions, I took 7 freakin days off. SEVEN.DAYS.OF.NO.AEROBIC.ACTIVITY…yes, that means no running, swimming, biking, etc. I did one thing…went to a hot power yoga class in which I almost fainted twice, sweat out 15 gallons, and felt like the most unfit human being in NYC. Went on Sunday morning at 8:30am so all the yogi's in there were serious yogi's. It take a serious, disciplined yogi to get up on a Sunday morning and do a hot power yoga class (temperature was set at 100 degrees). I love disciplined people.
This is what my training log looked like that I sent to Tony this week (our week's start on Thursday's):
Thursday - OFF
Friday - OFF
Saturday - OFF
Sunday - Yoga
Monday - OFF
Tuesday - OFF
Wednesday - OFF
That is hilarious to me. I cannot imagine how people function without exercise. It makes me feel fat, uninspired and super depressed not to work out.
I will finally get to run tomorrow with Tony. And he is only allowing me to run easy for the next week. I believe in my heart that this is all somehow going to pay off in goal attainment someday. I am not sure when, but I am sure it will be someday. Someday in this lifetime I will run a sub-3 marathon. And like I told Tony, maybe I will experience some other really great stuff along the way. Enter the Armory, where I will be doing some track meets this winter!! Maybe I can be a track star with my hefty body. Awesome!!!
My upcoming races will include a 5K on Thanksgiving with my sister and a relay with some of my teammates in early December. I'd love to do the 15K in mid-December in Central Park but I can only imagine what Tony will say about that….actually I just may have a chance with that request.